2009 Squad

Some songs just don’t turn out how you think they’re going to. This week is a perfect example. Thinking about this week’s post, I had originally pictured a song called “Another New Year in Portland,” which was going to be a sweet, soft song about all of the potential, possibility and hope that a new year in our favorite city brings. But then I actually sat down to write the song, and nothing came. And then I remembered the article from The Oregonian last week, which talked about some of the new laws that went into effect on January 1, highlighting in particular the non-smoking ban that took effect for all indoor public areas. And having watched the movie “Hot Fuzz” this week, I guess police parodies were in my head. Hence this week’s song, “2009 Squad,” which tells the tale of the vice squad that is out to protect Portland from cigarette smoke in 2009. It’s definitely an unusual song -- I think the closest Portland Song equivalent is “The Holiest Places in Town,” which is equally weird.

Anyway, enjoy, and have a happy and smoke-free 2009!

Lyrics:

Portland, have you noticed?

It’s a new year. It’s 2009,

And we have a few new laws that pertain to you.

Who are we? We’re the 2009 Squad.

Refrain:

Call us the arm of God, and we’re not joking.

We’re the 2009 Squad, gonna keep you from smoking.

As of January 1st, 2009, you are no longer permitted to smoke in any public location. This includes any indoor place, such as restaurants, bars or lounges. And, you are not permitted to smoke within ten feet of these places. So smoke at home.

Refrain

Come on, smokers of Portland, perform your ablutions:

It is the perfect time for a New Year’s resolution.

Wouldn’t you like a personal evolution?

Then come on along, join the non-smoking revolution!

Or else we’re gonna get ya!

Don’t you know who we are?

2009 Squad!

Refrain

So nonsmokers of Portland, next time you see someone light up

You know what to do -- call us right up.

Refrain