Everyone’s mind, this week especially, is on the financial crisis.  Today’s song begins with the question: “Who in Portland would (or could) solve the country’s economic problem?”  Is it our economists, our politicians?  No, my vote is on the clever folks at two of Portland’s most exciting and unique places -- the places where the smartest people in Portland hang out -- OMSI and OHSU.  This week’s song, “Minds Of Portland,” tells the story of how the scientists and doctors get together to fix Wall Street’s SNAFU.  (It turns out their solution calls on a third group of smart and wonderful people in Portland, our beloved teachers.)

This song is tongue-in-cheek, obviously, but I wanted to write a song about OMSI and a song about OHSU, and when I got to thinking about it, their somewhat shared location (essentially right across the river from each other) and the fact that they’re both well-known four-letter acronyms in Portland for some reason joined them in my mind.  What would people at OMSI and OHSU do if they ever got together?  Well, they’d probably save the world.  Or at least Wall Street.

Lyrics:

Some people from OHSU got on the phone with some people from OMSI.

They said, “Surely between we doctors and scientists, we can fix the economy.

It seems that this real estate crisis has put everyone on alert.

Hop over on the Tram and meet us for lunch--we can have this worked out by dessert.”

Minds of Portland, save us today,

Even if it takes something rash.

We don’t care, we’ll do whatever you say

‘Cause the market’s headed for a crash.

So the OMSI folks took their submarine over, right across the river,

They boarded the Tram, and shot on up, like an arrow just out of its quiver.

Then they sat down for hours, the scientists and doctors, making up a plan.

Anything to get Wall Street back in line, each one of them a mini-Greenspan.

Nerds of Portland, help us today,

And please, please do it in a flash.

We hope you know we’ll do whatever you say

So the dollar won’t continue to crash.

Geeks of Portland, guide us today--

Our nation’s headed for the trash.

It’s clear by now we’ll do whatever you say

So the dollar won’t continue to crash.

So they held a press conference to display their findings.  Here is what they said…

“The first thing we’ll do is a lobotomy on every CEO’s head.

We’ll remove the bit of brain that foster greed, and deal with it in this fashion:

With a transplant from the glands of Portland’s teachers, we’ll replace it with a pound of compassion.”

Thinkers of Portland, we thank you today,

For keeping us out of the ash.

And now we’ll put in action exactly what you say

To protect us from this financial crash.

The women and men at OHSU and OMSI sure did save the day--

Everyone in Portland watched in awe as they saved the U.S. of A.

The OMSI folks headed back to the east side, giving a little smirk.

For the finest in science and medicine, this was all in a day’s work…