Biker Bully
Biker Bully
After the last two weeks’ songs, both of which were pretty slow and lovely, this week we get a little raw. Everyone knows that Portland is a big town for bikers -- and I mean the pedaling variety, not the Harley variety. And though I am a big supporter of bikes (some of my favorite in-laws are avid bikers), we also know the (not untrue) characterization of bike riders in Portland being a bit, um, how shall we put this, forceful about their rights as bikers? And rightfully so, I say! But this week’s song, “Biker Bully,” takes the stereotype to an extreme and imagines your favorite bike commuters as a heavy-metal singing, guitar-smashing rockers.
I should mention that I wrote this song earlier this week before hearing the recent news story about the bicyclist who assaulted a driver with his bike. This song definitely isn’t a commentary on that -- I recognize that as the ridiculous aberration it was. Truly, I’m a PDX bike supporter. (No, really!)
Incidentally, the picture above is there not to suggest that Earl Blumenauer is a biker bully, but to prove that the line in the third verse has a basis in reality and isn’t just a convenient rhyme!
Here’s your philosophical question for the week: can a cappella technically even be heavy metal?
Lyrics:
Hey there, Mr. Hummer, get out of my lane!
I’m a little bit mad, a little bit crude, and a little bit insane.
The streets of Portland are my domain --
I’ve got fifteen speeds that can cause you pain.
You can find me all over the street,
The meanest two-wheeler that you’ll ever meet.
I’ve got those Harley sissies beat,
Ridin’ on the power of my own two feet.
I’m a biker bully!
Biker bully!
Move to the side, ‘cause I need a wide berth.
Can’t you see I’m doing something so good for the earth?
My mama always told me, since the day of my birth:
“Son, people with motors don’t have any worth.”
You can find me all over the street,
The meanest two-wheeler that you’ll ever meet.
I’ve got those Harley sissies beat,
Ridin’ on the power of my own two feet.
I’m a biker bully!
Biker bully!
I don’t stop for pedestrians, don’t stop for little girls.
You might see me in Hawthorne, might see me on the bridge, or even in the Pearl.
Never tried a bike before? You should give it a whirl.
Even lawyers and bankers do it, and a congressman named Earl.
You can find me all over the place,
The meanest two-wheeler that you’ll ever face.
If you think that I can just be erased
I’ll kick your four wheels into outer space.
I’m a biker bully!
Biker bully!
I’m a biker bully!
Biker bully!
Sunday, July 13, 2008

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