These past couple of weeks, I was trying to think of a good Rose Festival song to sing, given that it’s that time of year in Portland. Of course, I had already written one for Portland: The Album, but how could I resist commenting again on Portland’s favorite and most unique (some might say odd) tradition?  But this past Wednesday, inspiration hit in a big way when my spouse Jennifer and my two children and I attended the Junior Rose Parade.  The boys were dressed up as hedgehogs -- leftover costumes from this past Halloween -- and were going to walk in the parade.  I had what I thought was a great plan, but like many plans, it went awry.  This week’s song, “I Lost My Family At The Junior Rose Parade,” tells the completely autobiographical story in full detail.

Finally, for those of you who know Portland: The Album, all I can say is that a great song deserves imitation.  So yes, this week’s song may sound very similar to “Pearl Girl (She’s Too Hip For Me).”  What can I say?  We inhabit a world of finite musical ideas... (or at least I do!)

Lyrics:

I lost my family at the Junior Rose Parade.

(I’m not joking--I actually lost my family.)

I lost my family, it’s not just a charade.

(Still not joking.  I thought my wife would slam me.)

I had a plan, I thought I was the man.

Dropped them right off at 56th and Sandy,

Said, “I’ll take the car, go to Grant and Park,

I’ll walk along the route and see you in a few.” (But!)

I lost my family at the Junior Rose parade.

(How could it be, I thought the plan was fool proof.)

It took me a minute to see the mistake I’d made.

(Leave it to this fool to make such a big goof.)

My kids were all dressed up, I knew that I’d messed up.

I walked and jogged and ran, just looking for my family.

I walked the route twice, the exercise was nice.

It struck me right then: I’m a bachelor again.  (But!)

I lost my family at the Junior Rose parade.

(Lots of dancing troupes, but none of my offspring.)

I hoped that my spouse wouldn’t feel totally betrayed.

(So many kids there, but none that looked like me.)

I started to worry, my vision got blurry.

I must have walked five miles, just feeling so beguiled.

Along the route I strolled, the bands got really old:

I’ll turn into Medusa if I hear one more Sousa.

I lost my family at the Junior Rose Parade,

(The firemen came last, but still they were missing.)

I bet that you wonder how the end of this story is made.

(Is this a confession, or just some reminiscing?)

I felt like a big fool, but then at Grant High School

I spotted them afar -- it really thrilled my heart.

I ran up to them, waiting to be condemned,

But my wife said, while grinning, “We just sat at the beginning.” (So!)

I found my family!