This week, I guess you get to find out just how weird my imagination is.  The story of this song starts something like this... a few months ago, after I moved back to Portland, I was talking to a woman (and unfortunately now I don’t remember who it was) who said, “How can we expect to go outside when we’ve all been so scared by Channel 8’s Storm Center?”  Her point was that we’re conditioned to expect the worst because the very name of our weather source -- Storm Center! -- already suggests bad weather.  I thought about it for a minute and realized that she was right -- many of us in Portland get our weather from Channel 8’s First Alert Storm Team, which also sponsors The Oregonian’s weather page.  (The Storm Center was, as far as I can tell, recently renamed the First Alert Storm Team, as though that’s somehow better.)  No wonder we all expect rain every day.

So, this week’s song, “Storm Center,” is an ode (of terrifying proportions) to KGW Channel 8’s First Alert Storm Team -- Matt Zaffino, Dave Salesky, Joe Michaels and Jim Donovan -- putting them in the role of somewhat sadistic prophets of doom: half news anchors, half crazed scientists.  I told you my imagination was weird.

A few other things:

1. Listen for the brief reference to one of my earlier Portland Songs at the beginning of this tune...

2. I recognize that it’s impossible to take this song too seriously on the glorious day we’re having outside right now.

3. Writing down the lyrics to this song, I realize that it may seem as though I know very little about English grammar.  That’s not true, I promise.  But sometimes you have to drop an adverbial ending to make the meter work.  Give a guy a break!

4. Finally, faithful listeners, although I’m not anywhere close to being low on the idea-meter yet, if you have a particular Portland song you’d like to hear, don't be afraid to let me know.  I’d love to hear your suggestions.

Lyrics:

(Be afraid... be very afraid!)

You live in Oregon, so it's understood:

How can you expect this news to be good?

There's something coming, and it looks real bleak --

Expect it here by this time next week.

What did you think, that this would be like the beach?

Well, we’ve got something that we need to teach.

We’re your friendly neighborhood First Alert Storm Team,

And we know something that'll make you scream!

Storm Center, run for your lives!

You'll be lucky if you survive...

Storm Center, the center of the storming,

And we're issuing our global warning.

(It's The Perfect Storm!)

It could be sun, but it could be snow -- 

The terrifying thing is, you never know.

So count on us to give you the scoop,

It may be scary, but it's the truth.

You see those clouds up in the sky?

They probably mean that you're gonna cry.

You say to yourself, "Well, it's probably just rain."

But we're here to tell you it's a hurricane!

Storm Center, run for your lives!

You'll be lucky if you survive...

Storm Center, a weather invasion!

Good thing we're the kings of prognostication.

Storm Center, run for your lives!

You'll be lucky if you survive...

Storm Center, watch Channel 8,

Find out your unbelievable fate on the

Storm Center!