Is there anything to talk about in Portland this week *besides* this incredible, uncharacteristic weather?  What started off as a report of a few inches turned into a week of school closures, the worst day of snow yet just yesterday, and then freezing rain to boot.  Yes, the city that shuts itself down for half an inch of snow is experiencing first-hand a snowstorm that’s serious even by midwest or east coast standards (trust me!).  This week’s song, “What If Santa Claus,” asks the question on all of our minds: what effect will the snowstorm have on the holidays?  Not exactly a Christmas song, I guess, but it’s close.  Stay warm, have fun and be safe!

Lyrics:

The weather report came out last week:

“Stay in Portland, it’s gonna be bleak.”

Didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to freak.

I thought “Snow in Portland has a mystique.”

But now I’m wondering what’s gone on here.

The roads are a mess, when it will end is unclear.

Our whole next week is looking drear,

And so I’ll tell you just what I fear:

What if Hanukkah is eight snow days?

What if Mary and Joseph stay away?

What if Santa Claus can’t make it to Portland this year?

Next time they tell us to stay inside

I’ll believe the prediction and go and hide.

Instead of ending up going for a ride

On a big sheet of ice known as Burnside.

What if the reindeer’s paws to my roof won’t adhere?

They’ll get all mixed up, Rudolph will be in the rear.

How can I speak of holiday cheer

When this frightening thought grows oh so near:

What if Hanukkah is eight snow days?

What if Mary and Joseph stay away?

What if Santa Claus can’t make it to Portland this year?

It would be a travesty if our holidays got snowed out.

Where would be the majesty in not being able to go out?

Please give us some amnesty from this snow that’s falling, ‘cause no doubt:

This city’s ill-equipped.

Portland doesn’t have a script

For a blizzard like this.

What if Hanukkah is eight snow days?

What if Mary and Joseph stay away?

What if Santa Claus can’t make it to Portland this year?

What if Hanukkah just ends up grey?

What if Mary and Joseph get hit by a sleigh?

What if Santa Claus can’t make it to Portland this year?